So I was introduced to the word gay in fourth grade.
Everyone said it, but no one knew what it meant. That is when everything
started. So fourth grade went along and I knew kids were making fun of me, but
I never cared, I lived in my own world.
Then came fifth grade, the harassment got worse, I found out
what the word meant. I didn’t let it get to me, I knew my friends would support
me and always be around.
Sixth grade I guess is when everything really hit in, I was
in a different hallway, I was in different classes with different kids, I felt
alone. Kids openly laughed at me, pointed me out in a crowd, refused to sit by
me at events, but I always had that special friend to be there.
Seventh grade, when you move closer to the gym. I learned that
my best friend moved school over the summer, so I basically had to start all
over again, I was alone for the second time in 3 years. Kids started asking
questions, they would always ask, “Are you gay, do you like boys?” Then one of
my friends came out, she told us all that she was LGBT, she told everyone, I am
proud of her for standing up for herself, being open about who she is, I love
her so much. Well, at that time, I was so used to denying what people called me
that I denied her as my friend, I quit talking to her, I tried ‘converting’ her
to something she isn’t, and I am sorry even today at how I treated her.
Eighth grade came and I was still denying what people called
me. I became very bigoted, I was probably thought of as the most hypocritical
Christian anyone could imagine. I was so worried about how others’ lived their
own life, that I was failing my God, I failed to spread his mission of love and
peace that whole year. I thought I was so good.
The summer between elementary and high school is when I
really studied religion and found out what I believed in and who I am.
Ninth grade, when you are the lowest of the low. I didn’t
feel that way, I felt on top of the world, I discovered who I am and what I
believe in. That is at least how I felt the first day. Lunch hit and I had
probably heard the word ‘gay’ fifty times. Later on in the year, I was actually
asked probably once or twice a day if I was gay. Then, I was asked, in front of
a teacher, and these were the exact words, “Do you have a boyfriend?” The girl
embarrassed me in front of the whole class, but I couldn’t say anything. The
teacher obviously didn’t care, and nothing happened to the girl.
That is my life, that
is what I get called every day, that is what I and millions of other teens go
through. Please, the next time you want to say something is shitty, say it is
shitty. Gay is okay, and always be yourself.
~Joseph